Free writing. To just write whatever you’re thinking at any particular time. In 5th grade, I hated it, thought it was a total waste of time but now it’s some of my best writing. (I don’t always publish the “gut” posts as I call them.)
I’m not going to lie, I might not always have the comments turned on, but once a week, I’ll just write and then it’ll post on Tuesdays. Care to join us?
At the end of the summer we had to find alternate living arrangements for my grandmother because she could no longer live on her own. Long hard story short and more gentle? She was very confused, wandering and sick. It was heart breaking, nerve-wracking and hard.
(And that was for me, I can only imagine what it was like for Daddy-O and his siblings.)
It had to be done though, it wasn’t safe for her to be living on her own anymore and my aunt and uncle manage to find a nice place with an open bed to accommodate her. The people are nice, the facility is beautiful and they have all sorts of activities for her do to if she so chooses.
It’s not where I want her to be. I want her to be home, going to bridge when she wants, gardening, shopping, and living the life she used to…but that can’t be any more and it’s hard.
My dad and his siblings have been going through her home because it is sort of in a weird spot right now, it’s complicated but that’s not the hard part. The hard part is sorting through so many decades of stuff and memories. Granted, we’ve found some gems for sure and more or less the family is allowed to take what we’d like to have. (I have fabric and her old jewelry that I’ll do something with for me and the cousins. There’s so much more to go through still and that part’s hard.)
What makes it harder is that she gets confused and things we’ve tricked her. I don’t know, maybe partially, we have? She needs to be where she is because it’s safe for her, but it’s hard to reconcile.
I also feel a lot of guilt for not spending enough time with her these last few years, not being a better granddaughter and that is something I will have to reconcile with personally. And that is hard.
It’s just all so hard.