As I left work to head over to my munchkins at the pool, I walked out of my office building and felt an overwhelming sense of freedom – like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders…
I had my annual evaluation at work and I was very much stressed out about it the day before. I mentioned this to my direct supervisor and she assured me that the evaluation wasn’t anything bad at all and she possibly had some good news to offer me.
I don’t want to talk about it quite yet, but it was definitely a little bit of sunshine through the fog.
(Don’t get me wrong, life’s not bad – I see the good things going on…but I’ve been in a kind of brain fog and storm of emotions.)
The evaluation itself was pretty good. My strengths far outshine my weaknesses and I can continue to work on what needs to improve. While I don’t feel like I do enough sometimes, I think it’s a carry over from my feelings that I don’t do enough in life itself sometimes. They feel like while I could use some time/deadline management improvement, I do a lot and am doing well.
But we can only do what we can do…Anyway. I get to keep my job.
I had sent Daddy-O a text message to let him know it went well and got this in reply:
Super Duper!! Mom & I always know how great you are….You are always the last to realize it, Sweetie
Ha Ha!!
And I realize that they think I’m super awesome and wonderful etc. but I can’t help to feel like I’m not good enough sometimes. The ‘Rents and The Bro are impressive people as are the rest of my family memebers…(Not to worry, I’m not turning this into a woe is me, I suck at life post.)
Back to the feeling free part. Sorry.
As I walked out of the building, the sun shining in my face as I climbed in my car and drove off to the pool, I realized that I also felt free about my friend no longer being my friend.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still angry and have started to hurt, but this could be a good thing for me. It’ll give me a chance to welcome someone new or even several new people into my life. It’ll be one less tie that I have to this area - one less set of memories I want to keep, one less set of obligations.
Out with the old, in with the new…much like my closet I suppose.
I’m not advocating getting rid of your old friends – gosh no. I love my dear friends, many of whom I’ve known for 20+ years…but maybe sometimes in
some ways those veryclose relationships can hold you back in ways that don’t become apparent until later.
I’m focusing on the possibilities laying ahead and looking forward. The view is pretty good and the possibilities seem endless.
***
Thank you again for all the kind words and support. Unless things change drastically, this will be my last post regarding the friend who no longer is.




